. . : Dopamine Junkie 6.0: Ripe with Text : . . |
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The power of words
is all I have.
This is your chance to escape Before you fall down my rabbit hole. ..::ACHTUNG::.. The Dopamine Junkie Chronicles depict sexy text imagery. ..:Dope J's Wishlist About Dopamine Junkie
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Thursday, September 30, 2004
Give me 30cc's of Dopamine Drip - STAT! Dopamine Junkie has been on your mind. I know, I can feel it The cycle, the orbit Returns to me Your unsolved problem When you think of what intrigues you Do you see my face? When you think of the word Unique Am I there? I close the cursive capital D To show I can keep your secrets When you want to be surprised Understood and delighted When you want to be excited You reach into your subconscious Where you always know where to find me That secret space you protect and hide From Jealous Lovers As a symbol or your Anima I am confident to claim an enduring bookmark In your thoughts The place you return, the number you call For word or tone or caress or silence Intimacy that needs no touch to validate existence I inhabit this frequency And you find yourself tuning in Out of curiosity or habit But there is always something there That comforts you, that flatters you That gives you a reflection of the One you want to be Sometimes you fail to find it elsewhere I know there are flavors of intimacy A spectrum of desire multiplied by our many selves A need for a specific vibration or chemistry What do you want from me? The co-created quiet space of confidence and contentment A perpetual portable pillow talk time Of lowered defenses and gentle tones The VIP room for two For cuddle and for huddle For safety and sanctuary The space of that magnetic attraction That feels like something close to home Or at least a place to drop anchor The port in the storm This space needs the most nurturing It is the place to run to For acceptance and compassion, comfort and protection When I think of intimacy I think of sanctuary As in a monastery or an abbey Where silence and fragility is respected Treated with forgiveness, humor and gentle hands A place to recover and rediscover strength Objectivity + Compassion + Intelligence + Humor Equals more choices for anyone involved As an informed listener with new and improved sensory acuity I know things For example Your subconscious wants some attention And knows I speak the language.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
An inner calm begins to grow
I have been mourning Barry all week. In the Jewish way - meaning there are rituals, there are prayers and most importantly, there is a time of day allotted to mourning. So that the sadness does not bleed through to the other hours of the day. This practice resonated with me. All things in their right time. A time, a space, a home for every emotion. I have said a Kaddish in Hebrew now about 8 times, lighting a candle for Barry each time. Putting coins in the puskha. With this anniversary of Barry's passing, having eulogized my grandmother, celebrating my departed father's birthday, I have only grown, albeit uncomfortably at times, in my capacity to love, understand, empathize, give and care for others. Most importantly, I have learned to care for my own self better. I go to a hypnotherapist every week now. I am always actively pursuing understanding of my own behaviors and their improvement for adaptability and success. Recently, I have extended my reading list far beyond what is suggested at school. Recently devoured/currently devouring: An Open Life: Joseph Campbell in Conversation with Michael Toms Flow : The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi Awareness, The Key to Living in Balance, OSHO Intimacy, Trusting Oneself and the Other, OSHO Mental Training For Peak Performance, Steven Ungerleider Recent/Current Obsessions: Theta Waves and Dreams Edward Tufte, again. Medulla, of course Ghost in the Shell 2 Being a Better Human Flow of Optimal Experience Extropians! Besides these data feeds, I am having fun with my new 12" powerbook g4. It is tiny, portable and it's packin'. Like me. Here in L.A. my life is not so exciting as it is in SF. I am very serious most of the time. I think, write, read, study and work on my own business plans - for the infinite applications of hypnotherapy, neurolinguistic programming, imagery, discipline and obedience coaching, voice coaching, organizational coaching. I read constantly. Feed constantly. I use Splenda instead of sugar. I have cut down 90% of my refined sugar/carb intake. I eat tofu and soyfish and tuna and whole wheat pasta and I don't eat chocolate unless it's in my Pria Carb Select Powerbar. I love the Advant Edge Carb control shakes in Chocolate Fudge. I love rice cakes again. Tonight was the last night of my Barry vigil. Last Kaddish in Hebrew, and Max sat quietly as I read my written memorial for Barry - a year long of collected writings, my own script for catharsis. I cried as I wrote it, cried as I read it, I cried for the love and the loss and I cried as the wounds began to heal some. In these writings I talk myself into a state of shock, of acute remembrance. Max suggests we go for a walk. Then we go to Bob's Big Boy and a teenage boy does an impromptu handstand and contortionist act on the floor of the near deserted landmark restaurant. Then I begin to receive emails from friends and loves who want to see me when I visit my City So Small soon. I want this coccoon of care to be my invisible clothes, my protection, my bubble. Feed my bubble of Love.
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